I got kicked out of a bar!

Oh the hilarious irony...

So I'm with a group of 10 people at 11pm on Saturday night in Philadelphia. We go into a bar that's full of people and the waitress asks for our IDs. No problem. Then she comes back and says, "I need to take a few of your IDs up to the bar tender, just to be safe, since you're all from different states." Three of us, including me, hand her our IDs. A few minutes later, the bar tender comes to the table to give them back. "Whose is this?" It's mine. I reach for it. He points to it and says, "I can't accept this one." ??? What? Why? Because it has a sticker on it. It's my change of address sticker, I explain. That's how they do it in Oregon. But that's where my name is: on a paper sticker that's covering up whatever was originally underneath. (I realized later that my name was printed on the actual card, but it was small and he must not have noticed it.) So I have to go. Everyone else can stay, but not me. Even if I don't drink anything? Nope. My housemate Dan tries to stand up for me, which is not a good idea. So we all decide to leave and walk back through the cold to the Philly JV's house.

Irony #1: I'm the oldest person in the group by about a year. I'm 24, everyone else is 22/23 Irony #2: Have you ever seen me drink more than a few sips of an alcoholic beverage?
Irony #3: I'm tired and fighting a cold and I'm just tagging along to be social
#2 + #3 = All I want is some lemon water for my sore throat!
Irony #4: I really don't care whether I stay or go.
Irony #5: I'm driving, so that I can leave early and go home if I want to.

It was annoying, and I felt bad for everyone else, but I couldn't help laughing at the pure irony of the whole situation!

6 minus 1 makes 5

This is not a math equation, this is a life equation. When you have six people living together for almost 4 months and then one of them leaves, a lot changes besides just the number.

My housemate Tricia has moved back home. She told us on a Tuesday and left the following Monday. She was too unhappy with her job and too tired of waiting for things to change.

At first I was really upset, because she's the one who was most like me: older than the others, didn't drink very much, quiet, really into spirituality... She was also a leader and facilitator. I was worried what would happen without her there -- would I feel left out and lonely? Would our community fall apart?

So far all it seems to have done is cause me to talk to everyone else more and hang out with them more and feel more connected to them than I did before. I still think the spirituality piece and the drinking issue will be challenges, but I think we're going to be fine, and I think my housemates are going to see me take on more of a leadership role than I have...

Things are really different around here.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Happy Thanksgiving everybody! I had a very pleasant holiday, and I hope you did too.

I spent Wednesday, Friday, and Saturday nights at my aunt’s house in Philadelphia. We stayed up too late and had a lazy Thursday morning trying to figure out if I could get up to NYC that afternoon. Made a decision just in time to catch a bus at 2:00! It was a quick 32-hour trip and back. I had Thanksgiving dinner at the Brooklyn JV house with about 15 other people (a much better option than with 20 people I'd never met), and then spent the night at West Harlem’s little apartment. Friday was spent wandering around NYC with Sarah (a West Harlem JV) and her boyfriend. We walked through Battery Park and the World Financial Center, taking in the views of Ellis Island, the Statue of Liberty, and Ground Zero. It was a lovely sunny day, although the breeze was cold! Then we perused the exhibit of women’s dresses at the Museum of the American Indian. At 4:30 we began walking down Broadway, past Wall Street, toward Times Square. After an hour, with tired feet and 30 blocks left to go, we hopped on the subway. I only needed about 10 minutes to take in the electric commercial insanity of Times Square, and then we headed our separate ways, me walking the 10 blocks to Penn Station to catch the bus back to Philly, buying a chicken kebab from a street vendor along the way.

On Saturday, Lark and I went to the Art Museum to look at the exhibit of Gee's Bend quilts, which was really cool. Then we picked up my friend Marie' (another Methodist from Oregon), who spent the night, and we all went to Chestnut Hill UMC together on Sunday. It was very cool.

Playing Catch-up

Holy bejeezers! Have I really not posted anything since October 5th?! Yikes, sorry everyone. Well, I'll be adding new posts about the last 2 months throughout the next couple of weeks and I'll date them when they're from, so you're going to have to go back in time to Oct. and Nov. to find them... I'm at the Mt. Laurel library right now checking out Christmas/Kwanzaa/Hanukkah books for the kids to read at Homework Club. Happy holidays!

My Birthday Saga

So I have to explain what else happened on the 25th! It was the craziest day of work I've had so far. It was my birthday AND it was a half day of school AND it was Thanksgiving feast day.


1) I arrived at the office in the morning only to get a phone call from my boss saying that her dad had passed away during the night and so she wouldn't be in. She would, however, stop by around 12:00 to drop off the food.


2) Middle school and high school-ers started showing up around 11:45. They wanted to know where the food was. Well, Cindy didn't show up until almost 12:45, and the little kids were supposed to arrive at 1:15. So the older kids helped us heat up and set up the food: turkey, mashed and sweet potatoes, rolls, green beans... A couple volunteers showed up and brought corn, cranberry sauce, and pumpkin pie. This craziness all started happening at the same moment that the two upset 5th grade boys came in...

3) Plus, Cindy was extra stressed out because she'd meant to do more for my birthday, like buy a cheesecake and have the kids made cards, but hadn't had time. A couple of the kids made birthday posters for me which they all signed. Someone unceremoniously handed me an unwrapped present: I had to check with Cindy to make sure it was actually a present for me.



4) The teens were still eating when the 1st-4th graders got here, and we had to move them out as quickly as they'd go so that the little kids would have a place to sit. By then, the food had cooled off again, so we had to heat up each kid's plate individually after they got their food... And then of course they wouldn't stay in their seats and eat.

Cindy left at 1:45. The two adult volunteers left at 2:30 after cleaning up most of the food and helping a couple kids with homework. I was left alone with 20 children who were going bonkers and being loud. And 5 teenagers who had offered to help with the kids but instead were hanging out in the computer lab and making sympathy cards for Ms. Cindy. Some had homework, some wanted to go outside, and I couldn't be in two places at one time! I finally remembered that the kids are perfectly self-sufficient when they're outside and realized it would be much less chaotic and stressful. I also realized that I still had to keep them busy for 2 more hours(!), and homework could be done after they'd gotten their energy out. Luckily, right as we were about to go out, a mom showed up to pick up her kid and offered to stick around and supervise for a little while -- THANK GOODNESS! Then, not too long after, our two regular Tuesday high school volunteers showed up! I was able to send kids in two at a time to get homework help from them while I stayed outside with the rest. Being an early release day and almost a holiday, a number of the kids went home early and the few that were left played games, watched a movie, and helped clean up.


5) Needless to say, my feet were sore and I was exhausted at the end of the day. So instead of going roller skating with my housemates, which I had NO energy for for, we just played Apples to Apples after dinner. My housemates made me a chocolate-peanut butter pie: yum!

Racism

Their classmate called them the n-word and told them they couldn’t do anything and said they looked like monkeys and swung from trees. The two 5th-grade boys came in to homework club on this festive day, their eyes brimming with pain. I don’t really know J., but I work with I. every single day. How should I respond? When I heard the story, I felt like I’d been kicked in the stomach. It was at that moment I realized I’ve never actually encountered such blatant racism first-hand before. It shocked me. I didn’t want to believe that anyone (even immature 5th-/6th-grade boys) still thought that way, or at the least still acted on those thoughts. The other kids asked them why they didn’t respond to the kid with in-kind put-downs or physical aggression. But wasn’t it obvious? Their spirits were crushed; they were too stunned and hurt; they would only get in trouble if they started a fight or an argument. And to top it all off, the vice principal didn’t believe their story. I thought I knew that this sort of stuff still went on in 21st-century America, but obviously I didn’t really know it…

SOA

Dan and I left Thursday night in the middle of a beautiful snowfall, the first of the season, and the first ever for my housemate Megan. We joined the Philly JVs on a bus full of students from St. Joe’s University. It was a 15-hour ride down to Columbus, Georgia: we got there at 1pm. At the Ignatian Family Teach-In that night we heard Father Roy Bourgeois (the founder of SOA Watch) speak and defend his pro-women’s ordination stance which a month earlier had earned him the threat of ex-communication.


On Saturday morning, I made sure to get to the teach-in in time to hear Father Jon Sobrino speak. I met him in El Salvador during my semester abroad when he spoke to our group, and I remember thinking he looked like a small version of Mr. Rogers. But this time he struck me as much taller and broad-shouldered than I recalled, even though I was much farther away from him. As soon as he began to talk, I also remembered that for all his fame for being a radical liberation theologian and the one who survived the massacre of his six colleagues by pure luck, he also is not very gifted in public speaking. I don’t really remember a thing he said.

I spent Saturday afternoon at the gates of Fort Benning. It was a great day to be outdoors: warm and sunny! Along one side of the road, there were lots of organizations with tables and booths set up handing out information and selling things. Musicians were performing on the main stage, interspersed with speakers. Some people were laying on the ground doing a demonstration of the massacre at El Mozote in El Salvador. The other side of the road was lined with little booths at the end of people’s driveways selling food. People sure know how to make the most of a money-making opportunity when they see one! I was glad to support the local economy… I wandered around and ran into people, including: my liberation theology professor/academic advisor from college, Leah the campus minister from Corvallis, other JVC East-ers, one of our Camden support persons and his staff, students from St. Olaf…

That evening was the Ignatian Family Mass, which was really cool. There had to have been more than a thousand (?) people there. The music was good and I really liked the homily, and I even took communion. The room was just very lively and vibrant. Afterwards, I avoided the commotion of the crowded JVC gathering and instead had an hour-long conversation with Leah.

Sunday morning was the vigil and procession at the gates. It was a pretty powerful experience. After the names of people who had been massacred/assassinated by graduates of the SOA were chanted, everyone lifted the cross they were holding and responded with “Presente.” This went on for two full hours, until the whole procession of over 20,000 people had walked to the gate and placed their cross in the fence. I made a cross with Rutilio Grande’s name on it, and squeezed it extra firmly when his name was read. My voice was tired at the end! And you couldn’t see through the fence any more because it was filled not only with white crosses, but also flowers, slips of paper, photographs, etc.

I am so glad I finally got to participate in this. I’ve known about it ever since the first liberation theology class I took my sophomore year of college, and really really wanted to go after spending a semester in Central America, meeting Jon Sobrino and seeing the site where the six priests were killed in 1989, which is why the whole SOA vigil got started…but I was never able to go until this year.

Lutherans, Methodists, Oregonians, and Oles in Baltimore/D.C.

I called my friend Jenn (a Methodist from Oregon doing the Lutheran Volunteer Corps in Baltimore) on Tuesday to ask if she'd be available for a weekend escapade to D.C. I called on Thursday to finalize the plans. On Friday night, my housemates dropped me off at the Inner Harbor in Baltimore, where I met Jenn and took the bus with her back to her place. Their house is so nice and fresh and clean feeling – ours always feels like a cluttered mess to me...

Saturday morning, we left at 7:45 am to walk to the Methodist church where we were to meet our ride to D.C. We were late, so our carpool actually just picked us up along the street! They were going to a monthly Wash/D.C. area Reconciling Methodists meeting, so we went too. It was a series of adventures getting there though! First, we got blocked on the entrance ramp to the highway by a car that had spun out, so we had to back up and meander our way through Baltimore to find another highway entrance. At that point we would have been about 5 minutes late for the meeting – they had planned to be early because they were bringing the coffee and treats…

But then, our directions took us to the wrong church! The driver’s nephew had looked them up and she hadn’t double checked them before we left. So the other woman called her partner and had her look up directions on Google and tell them to us over the phone. It only should have taken 15 minutes from where we were, but there was construction on Pennsylvania Avenue, which was completely backed up and just inching along. So we detoured. And got utterly and completely lost and confused. We FINALLY made it to Capitol Hill UMC, 45 minutes late for the meeting. Sigh.

It had been dismal and rainy in the morning, but when the meeting was over it had turned into a beautiful, warn, sunny fall day. Hooray! We walked to the Eastern Market and meandered our way through, eating free samples. We bought some pupusas at a restaurant and carried them down past the Capitol to the National Mall where we sat on a bench and ate them.

We discovered a rally going on that focused on ending the genocide in Darfur. There were hundreds or thousands of colorful canvas tents set up that has been painted by different groups, and they had blank ones that anyone could paint – so we did! And we picked up some tickets to the Holocaust museum. We spent an hour at the Museum of the American Indian, which was really cool, and then at 3:30 headed down past the crazy Smithsonian castle to the Washington Monument. Didn’t go in it, just sat on the wall and looked at the reflecting pool, the Lincoln Memorial and the White House. Last stop was the Holocaust museum – we got there at 4:30, just in time for the last elevator up to the beginning of the gallery. It was pretty awesome. The most striking thing for me was the room full of shoes, all different sizes and styles, and just imagining who they might have belonged to. Walking through the boxcar was really powerful too.

Then it was 5:30 and time to head up to U Street for dinner with the Washington Lutheran Volunteers whose house we spent the night at. We discovered another Methodist living there! And when I looked at the pictures they had up of past LV communities, I discovered that I knew one of the volunteers from last year -- she was in my same class at St. Olaf and we'd had some music courses together!

Sunday morning we went to Foundry UMC. They are a very boldly reconciling congregation, as well as the one that a lot of famous people go to (e.g. the Clintons…). The style was pretty traditional, but the content was engaging. One of the nice things about it was that its large spacious sanctuary was practically full. Too often I’m in churches whose congregations just don’t fill up the space, and no matter how many people there are, if the sanctuary looks half-empty, it often feels that way too…

After church, my housemates picked us up, and we dropped Jenn off in Baltimore on our way home. It was a fabulous first trip ever to Washington, D.C. Maybe my second ever will be on January 20th? …

The Change We Need

I could not just sit by and watch this election happen and hate myself if it turned out differently because I hadn’t done anything. So I took half the day off work and drove to Philadelphia to help get out the vote.
The Obama office was loud, hot, and bursting with people. Rather than making phone calls or knocking on doors, I found myself a position standing on a street corner in bustling center city holding a sign at a table filled with quickly-disappearing Obama paraphernalia and voting information. It was pretty amazing how people just kept coming to the table to pick up stuff: buttons, bumper stickers, posters.

It wasn’t the most significant role I could have played, but it was something, and that was enough. I stayed up until 12:30am to watch Obama’s victory speech, even though I had to get up at 7:15am in the morning…

Hooray!!!

Halloween

I had two Halloweens this year! The Newark JV house hosted a party the weekend before Halloween, and we all dressed up as different characters from Mario Kart. I was Toad. =)

Halloween day I went to work dressed as a farm/cowgirl. That night we went to a zombie party in Philly. There were a ton of people there. It was nuts. I don’t really like parties. I don’t really like dressing as a zombie either. Gross.

Bartimaeus

For spirituality night this week, we listened to and reflected on the bible passage in which Jesus gives sight to the blind Bartimaeus.
When Bartimaeus cries out “Son of David, have mercy on me!” Jesus responds, “what is it you want me to do?” He answers, “I want to regain my sight”, and Jesus says, “Go, your faith has made you well.”

Inserting myself into the story, I realized I was identifying myself with the one being called upon for help. Children at work are constantly clamoring for attention and assistance. “Miss Autumn, Miss Autumn!” “What do you want? What do you need?” They are not nearly as articulate as Bartimaeus. And there was always a chance that the apparent need (sight) wasn’t actually what he wanted from Jesus. And the younger they are, the less likely it is that they even know what it is they need to be whole and happy. Even when they do know what they need and request it clearly, I don’t always know how to respond or have the ability grant their request. And sometimes I try but fail.

If only it were as simple and easy as it is in this story…

Kid Conflict

AG and JC have not been getting along for the past week. They just can’t seem to keep their hands (and feet) away from each other and picking on each other. I talked to A’s mom, and she thinks that the conflict might stem from jealousy issues over a common friend. The last couple of days, A has said some pretty mean things to J and hit her at least once. Today, she broke a crayon and said that’s what she wanted to do to J. When I try to talk her to about her rudeness, she says she doesn’t care.

Also today, JC was completely out of control, worse than the previous two days. She could not stay in one place for more than 5 or 10 seconds. She kept running about and flailing and kicking and yelling. And she would talk back to A. It was just too much so we called her parents in order to send her home, and then she cried for 10 minutes straight. She reported that someone told her she was annoying (A?) and it had obviously hurt her feelings, but my only response (which I of course refrained from saying out loud) was to agree: yes, you were really annoying today. Instead I just sighed and hugged her.

And now Cindy is rearranging the rooms again and taking all the younger kids (except E!) and giving me the older ones. It might be easier for me, but…I like the little ones even though they’re challenging. She didn’t ask me if I had any ideas or feelings about it. I want to have a conversation with A and J to help them deal with what’s going on between them, but now they’re both going to be in Cindy’s room…Hope she has fun with them! Ha. Ha.

ERLH Fall Festival

Whew, the Fall Festival is over – and it came off well. what a production!

It was fun and there were no big glitches; just some trouble with the cotton candy machine at first and running out of hot dogs and plates… The worst thing was being my feet for 7 hours straight: poor things were really tired at the end of the day.

The weather was great: a true northeaster fall day: partly cloudy, cold in the morning, beautiful, breezy, afternoon, around 60 degrees. I just wish I could have been more present and not running around so much. The kids had lots of fun with the bounce house, basketball shoot, face painting, pony rides and hay find, exploring the fire truck and ambulance, and eating sugary snacks (also including snow cones and pixie sticks…) – all for free.

Four of my housemates and 5 of the Philly JVs came and helped out, thank goodness, because we couldn’t have done it without them!

I hope you have the time of your life...

“When you have the time of your life doing what you’re doing, this has a way of calling forth the deeps in another person…You are not talking about “good news,” you are good news. You are the embodiment of the freedom of a new humanity.” –Gordon Cosby

Am I having the time of my life doing what I’m doing? No… Does that mean I’m not “good news”? am I “embodying my vision of a new humanity”? hmph. If I am at all, it is only to a limited and flawed extent…
How do I be the kind of person I want to be, how do I live the kind of witness I want my life to be? Why is it such a hard thing to do?
Maybe I can’t love what I’m doing right now, and that’s what I’ll learn about myself this year. but I hope I can love it more.
…the journey of self-discovery is not always smooth and painless…

Fall Retreat

Ah, retreat! What a joy to be out of the city, surrounded by trees and grass! We were so ready for this retreat. It was great to have other people to hang out with, talk to, and connect with; to discuss our challenges with and compare experiences with. And of course I enjoyed boating on the pond, hanging out at the campfire, and taking turns playing guitar and singing songs out of Rise Up Singing for a couple hours. The mass on Saturday night was very soul-filling. We sang some of my favorite music (Gather Us In and The Summons!) and the homily was energetic, intellectually stimulating, progressive, interactive, and had a radically inclusive message about the banquet table being open to everyone. I couldn't NOT take communion after that! It was the first time since joining JVC that I've actually taken communion at a Catholic mass.


The best thing, though, about reatreat was having 1-on-1 conversations with each of my community members. I’m glad that the two people I have the most difficult time talking to about issues are the ones that want me to talk and be direct with them. Having that request, I don’t have to hold myself back in fear of judgement. I’m looking forward to Disney singalong dishwashing nights with Patti. =) And to deeper connection with Tricia and yoga with the girls, and to exploring mass transit and Camden with Megan. We also had a really deep and honest community discussion on Saturday. It’s a relief to finally have had these conversations and feel like we understand each other a little bit better and re-commit ourselves to working on building a strong community.

Neighborhood Park

The park on our block has re-opened! Hooray! There was a big party to celebrate it, and it was great to be out there enjoying the beautiful day, live music, free food, art activities, etc. with so many people and families from the community. Here's an article about it from our regional newspaper, which includes pictures of my housemate Patti and our neighbors' family (Bob was pretty much in charge of the whole thing).

http://www.courierpostonline.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/200810050310/NEWS01/810050357

birthday pie

Thanks, Dad, for an amazing apple pie recipe! I had no idea pie crust could be so easy to make…Hopefully it wasn’t just beginner’s luck! Yay for fresh apple pie with ice cream. And yay for an abundance of apples and for birthdays and for how we all pitched in, schemed, and worked together to make it a special day for Tricia. =)

Rosh Hashana

I led us in a spirituality night last night based on the themes of Rosh Hashana. I found a large blue pillowcase to be our tablecloth and placed a glass bowl of water with a few rocks at the bottom in the center of the table and a candle at each end. It’s the Jewish New Year, so it’s about turning the page and new beginnings. I alternated some Julian of Norwich readings with a few songs (I played guitar!), focusing on the theme of repenting, casting our sins into the “river” and letting it wash them away, letting go of things that have been weighing us down, being made whole again, etc. We wrote these things down on slips of paper, wadded them up, and tossed them in the water. We closed with the traditional Rosh Hashana ritual of eating apples with honey – yum!

There's got to be a better way...

It was a rough week overall at work. First of all Cindy was having me do follow-up calls to all the people we invited to participate in or donate to the Fall Festival. Ick. And time was pressured Thursday and Friday to get the October calendar finished. And I had to stay late 3 days wrapping things up after working with kids until 6.

Tuesday was very frustrating. J was having issues following instructions and was being goofy. He ran into the back room and hid in the corner and wouldn’t talk to me or look at me. So I let him stay there while the others ate snack. Forcing him back to the room would have been met with more resistance on his part and goofing off and distracting the other kids from what they should be doing. My mistake, which led to the frustrating conversation with Cindy, was when I sent our volunteer back there to do his homework with him. I was thinking about so many other things that I didn’t think about the fact that a volunteer should not be alone in a room with a child. Big oops. So I asked them to move up to my office, no problem.

I felt pretty good about the way I had handled the whole situation. But when I relayed the whole story to Cindy, her response seemed to be that I should have been harder on him, should have given him an ultimatum and a punishment for not returning to the room. I was trying to be caring and maintain my sanity, and she wanted me to be strict and tough. Her advice for any subsequent situations that may arise was “You just have to be really firm sometimes and show them who’s boss, so that they know you’re serious. Sometimes I say things that make me cringe when I hear other people say them, but you’ve gotta do it, or they’ll never listen to you…” I know in my heart that that is not true. The problem, though, is that it’s so crazy and chaotic that we don’t have the time or staff to have the deeper one-on-one conversations with the kids about their feelings and needs and how they respond to each other. But I refuse to believe that it’s impossible to do any of that.

If they’d stop yelling at each other to stop yelling, we might actually be able to accomplish something. I have got to figure out how to talk to these kids in NVC, because I cannot do the yelling and threat thing. D ran away today after he was done reading. His brother chased him down, and one of the high schoolers carried him back. Sigh. At one point I had to take him into the hallway and make him get his body under control because he was just crazy and lashing out and jumping/kicking/punching like he does…then he was better for a while.

I think Cindy thinks I’m overwhelmed and don’t how to handle having 7 kids in my room. She keeps wanting to take some away and give me “easier” ones. We've already switched D and N out. Yesterday, she proposed taking J and E (two 1st-grade boys) out of my room in exchange for two older kids, but I managed to talk her out of it.

In terms of the kids in my room, I think I just got off to a bad start with them. I didn’t manage to establish rules/expectations right off the bat: the environment was not at all conducive to it, and it’s hard to talk to a group of kids who are bouncing off the walls… Most of my time is spent responding to things the kids are doing rather than preventing them from happening in the first place. The thing about J is that he reminds me of me when I was little – he’s very shy when people ask him to do things and doesn’t want to talk to adults or people who are trying to pry information from him. And then he just gets physical and goofy to avoid it.

P.S. his mother is from Honduras.

18-hour visit

Last night, I finally got in touch with my friend Marié! (We had discovered in August that we were both going to be out here this year). So instead of going bar-hopping with my housemates (not my idea of fun…), I dropped them off in Philly and went to her place. It’s fun to have a Methodist friend from Oregon nearby, even though (as we soon realized) we don’t actually know each other that well.

Went to Arch Street UMC together on Sunday morning. It’s a pretty neat church, very old and right downtown. It was great to hear some good Methodist music—emphasis on the music part (they could have picked better songs...): great singing/harmony/acoustics/choir. The UMW invited us to stay for lunch with them, so we did: JVC (and poor Grad student) rule: never pass up free food when it’s offered… It was a great spur-of-the-moment 18 hours.

Work

Work is going along treadingly. As in: I’m not drowning, but I wouldn’t say it’s going “swimmingly.” I’m keeping my head above water, but it’s tiring.

In the first 4 hours, Cindy asks me to do things that I'm unsure about: often am not sure exactly what it is she wants me to do, or how she wants it done, or if she really cares how I do it…and sometimes they’re things I’d really rather not do, like make phone calls to businesses in the area and ask them if they’d be willing to donate food or supplies or money for our upcoming fall festival. If you know me very well, you know that making phone calls is one of my least favorite activities in the world. Especially when it’s to people I don’t know, and especially when it involves formality…SIGH.

The last 4 hours are a completely different story. I still haven’t quite figured out how to respond to and interact with the middle schoolers, so that’s always a little awkward. Then, the 1st-4th graders come and bounce off the walls and yell at each other and ignore my instructions or my pleadings. I don’t even get that many opportunities to give them instructions because I’m so busy trying to get them to calm down enough to listen! I wasn't expecting to be surprised by how difficult the children were and how chaotic it might be, but then I realized that although I'm used to working with groups of 7 kids at day camps, I'm only used to having 1 or 2 per group who are noisy and/or hyperactive and/or violent. But here, the opposite is true. Out of 7 there's maybe one or two that aren't! Luckily, they all have their good sides, too. The trick is to figure out how to make that good side be the dominant side...

I come home tired at the end of the day.

Surprise!

The adventure of the day today was setting the burglar alarm off this morning!

I went in to work late and so hadn’t come out of my room yet when my last housemate left for work at 9. I walked down the stairs and around the corner, and all of a sudden the alarm siren stared wailing. It was SO loud! After I had recovered from the shock, I walked over to the front door and turned it off. Whew. About 10 minutes later, I heard a brisk knock at the door and was not surprised to find a police officer standing there. “You’re burglar alarm went off?” “Yeah…” So I explained and he left.

As one of my housemates noted, he probably knew it was OK the second he saw me: simply because I was white. I think the pajamas might have had something to do with it too: who robs a house in their pajamas? …

New Beginnings UMC

This morning I went to the United Methodist church right around the corner from us on State Street with Megan. Its official name turns out to be “New Beginnings” UMC, which might explain why we couldn’t find any information about “State Street UMC” on the internet.

It’s a small, African-American congregation that’s trying to figure out how to remain vital. The Conference is watching them this year to see if the ministry site is worth keeping open; if the congregation has the energy, vision, and commitment to keep going and to offer ministries that make a difference in the community. I don’t know that I’ll go there very often – it’s not really my worship style – but I’m glad I went and made the connection with them and the neighborhood.

Soggy day

Oh for adventures! Hah!

We went to the Red Bull Soapbox Car Derby in Philadelphia today with the Philly JVs in the middle of Hurricane Hanna. Needless to say, we got soaked, drenched, water-logged.

The first challenge of the day was driving there in the rain (I drove). The second was finding a place to park! We tried to park in an ACME parking lot, but got threatened with a ticket after getting out of the car. We were sopping wet by the time we got back in the car, about one minute later.

The Derby itself wasn’t that interesting – cars only passed about every 15 minutes and we weren’t in a place where we could see the big screens following them. The streets were mostly lined with young drunk people spilling out of their houses. It was boring, so we left and put our soggy clothes in the dryer and ate homemade bread instead.

Day 1

Holy cow, I survived the first day of children…it was NUTS! The kids were crazy, and mostly I felt like I had no idea what I was supposed to be doing. Plus, we had them for 3 ½ hours instead of 1 ½ since the first day of school was a half day. Way to jump in with two feet! The hardest thing was trying to keep them from fighting with each other…

But as I told my parents, dealing with the kids was easier for me than sitting through an hour of listening to Giuliani and Palin speak at the Republican convention…

Mothers

Today at work, two mothers spilled their stories to us.

The first was complaining about how her daughter had been placed in all honors classes except for English (her favorite and best subject) and about how she has never been recommended by teachers to participate in any special activities/programs. It smacked of racism to me, but we also only got one side of the story…

Another mother came in to register her son for our program, but we couldn’t take him because we were already full with a waiting list. That set her off on a tearful story about her bad day and her horrible week and her difficult life: there just isn’t enough support at Ethel Lawrence or in Mount Laurel for people like her – no affordable day care, no all-day kindergarten, and not much compassion from the administration. I was sad to hear it. They pull people out of their support networks and then expect them to make it on their own? In a place with completely different cultural and economic expectations and services? Something is wrong with this picture.

ERLH Ed Ctr

We visited my job placement today!--the Education Center at Ethel R. Lawrence Homes, an affordable housing development in Mount Laurel, NJ. The homes are very nice. The Ed Center is in a double-wide trailer.

I’m still not sure what I think of the concept though, even after hearing the spiel for a third time... Luckily, I don’t have any qualms about what I’m doing, which is helping the kids with their schoolwork. It’s the larger mission of the housing development that I’m not sure I buy into. In a way, it does just seem like a band-aid and not a real solution to the root of the problem: endemic urban poverty. It doesn’t improve the cities by taking the well-behaved poor families away and putting them in a suburb…

On the other hand, one article I read talked about it in terms of providing housing for the people who are already working in these wealthy communities but can’t afford to live there. That makes sense to me. It's a very different principle than the first one, but I guess they kind of go hand in hand, in a way...

History

As the bus wound its way through the Pennsylvania countryside on our way to Blue Ridge, I was reminded of one of the reason I chose to come to the Eastern US, which I had temporarily forgotten about: the history. Everything out here is just so much older than anything out West by 2-300 years. I was struck by how different the architecture in the towns looked and felt, and I loved seeing all the old farm houses and barns. I find the stone buildings, especially, just incredibly beautiful. There's something about them...and there's nothing like it in Oregon.

On our way to Camden from orientation we stopped in Gettysburg and wandered through the cemeteries, and I was once again overwhelmed by the incredible feeling of standing on the same patch of ground where such a sad and historic event took place so many many years before.

Orientation

Orientation was stressful. And wonderful. And draining. And energizing.

I met some amazing people, had some really good conversations, enjoyed spending time outside and listening to the cicadas, and was inspired by some really good presentations about JVC's four values. And I got to sing with our impromtu choir during each of the 3 masses that we had.

But emotionally, it was an up, down, up, down kind of week. Wondering how well I'd get along with my community members, then spending some time with them and feeling reassured, but then having a conversation about alcohol that makes me unsure about it after all, but then having an awesome discussion about spirituality, and so on. At the end of the 5 days, I was saddened to have to leave all the other people I'd met and made friends with (especially my 8 fellow non-Catholics) who were living in other cities, but I left with the comfort of knowing that I'd see them at least one more time and probably more throughout the year.

This Year

I'm writing this from a hotel in Baltimore, Maryland, as I get ready to head to rural southern Pennsylvania for the week. I will be attending the orientation for the eastern region of the Jesuit Volunteer Corps until next Tuesday when I head to Camden, New Jersey, which will be my home for the next year. It's taken me a long time to get to this point, as you may know, but here I am! I didn't know until 2 1/2 weeks ago exactly where I was going to be working and living this year.

So why JVC? The four values that JVC operates under are Social Justice, Simple Living, Spirituality, and Community, which are all things that resonate deeply with my own values and where I am in my life right now. I will be living in a house with five other volunteers and we will share all income and expenses except for our $80/month personal stipend. There will be three retreats during the year to reflect on our work, our lives, and our faith. Our work is with justice-oriented social service organizations, and we will be challenged to think about the deeper roots of structural and systemic change beyond the charitable service.

I personally will be working with an after-school educational program at Ethel Lawrence Homes, a low-income housing development outside of Camden. I can tell you a whole lot more about it once I actually get there and start working... For those of you that don't know, Camden is right across the river from Philadelphia. It will be exciting to be living so close to a big city (practically in it) for the first time in my life. Camden itself is a city of about 80,000 people, mainly African-American and Hispanic, and an extremely high percentage of its residents live below the poverty line.
I don't know how regular my internet access will be (maybe a few times a week?), but I will try to update my blog every so often

The Day Camp Saga

Oh me, oh my, what a summer. What can one do but laugh? Every week has been its own kind of adventure...

Astoria's day camp went great like last year (although can someone explain why a one-hour trolley ride is necessary, and why you'd feed children rice crispy treats right before it?). Of course, being the first week, we as staff had our own kinks to work out with lesson plans, choosing/leading songs, and team dynamics...

Camp got done on Thursday, July 3rd, and on Friday Gretchen drove me down to Corvallis to spend 4th of July with me and my family and the Brownsville croquet club. She left on Saturday, but I stayed home until Sunday and took the bus back to Portland, where Gretchen met me and we drove back to Collins, eating blueberry crisp with makeshift rhubarb spoons on the way...

We had the whole next week off from day camp, so on Monday we attended CPR/1st Aid training. Then on Tuesday and Thursday I spent a total of 11 hours pulling stinging nettles from around the parking lots and trails at Collins Retreat Center -- and I only got stung 4 times! At the end of the week, I went on an 8-mile (!) hike with Gretchen and her friend Melia up past Punchbowl falls.

Then, we had Molalla. It was their 3rd year and they had a lot of returning volunteers, which you’d think would make it easier…sigh. Gretchen, Katrena and I commuted from Collins every day and spent our evenings making up skits for morning watch. Katrena got sick part way through Monday and couldn't lead her craft station in the afternoon, so that was interesting. And then Julia had to leave two of the days before day camp was over, so I had to take over music at campfire. And we had to do an evening program for them, and they had an extra half day of camp, which means we had to expand our curriculum and come up with a new set of activities. Whew!

I was wiped out, but after a good night's rest, Gretchen and I decided to venture into Portland on Saturday. We drove to Milwaukee and then took her scooter to First UMC the closing worship service of Western Jurisdictional Conference, the consecration of new bishops. Got to see my grandmas and my parents and tell them about the most recent development in my search for a volunteer placement: that I would be interviewing at a place in New Jersey in the coming week!

Clatskanie was next...where do I even start? Well, first there was the fact that Gretchen wasn't going to be there because she had to be in charge of vacation bible school at the church where she works, which means I had to be the stand-in director and team leader for the week! Then there was the matter of finding a new staff person because Julia couldn't commit to the whole week. Luckily, we knew their camp was going to be small and therefore we could only have two small groups of kids and work in pairs, but we still had to figure out how to modify the schedule and decide who was going to lead what activities each day.

So we get there on Sunday for their volunteer meeting and guess who's there? The coordinators. That's it. No volunteers to be found anywhere. Apparently, this happened last year, too. Hmmm... So we ask them to call their volunteers to tell them to show up at 8:15 in the morning so that we can orient them before day camp starts; we unload our van; and then go over some details with them, such as the special visits from the fire and police departments, which is happening on Tuesday morning, right? Well, actually no, it's on Monday! (Ack! That means we have to revise Monday’s schedule and figure out how to combine our small group sessions and how to un-combine Tuesday's!)

But then 10:00 arrives on Monday morning and the firetruck doesn't. The coordinator calls the fire station, only to learn that surprise surprise they had us on the schedule for Tuesday, not Monday! And the police station? Same thing! So we're back to square one, except that we’re already partway into our revised schedule…so we just fill the time with games. On Wednesday, which is water day, 6 new kids show up and bring a whole lot more energy and distraction with them, and the sun goes into hiding. We survived the day, but thank goodness Thursday was back to normal! Except for the fact that a photographer from the newspaper showed up right in the middle of quiet time...she kindly waited and interviewed us until it was over and then got a picture of them playing with the parachute.

Besides being in charge of the staff and the schedule changes and the program and the music, and everything else, I was also trying to contact the office in New Jersey that I was supposed to be interviewing with for a JVC position. I finally reached them and had an "interview" during my lunch hour on Wednesday -- which was really me asking them questions, not the other way around.

I think I made it sound like kind of a horrible week, but it wasn't. Despite all of those little frustrations and surprises and challenges, it turned out to be a pretty nice week!

On Thursday evening, we drove back to Portland, picked up Gretchen in Milwaukee, and then proceeded to drop off Kat (at her doctor's office for an appointment she had forgotten about until that afternoon) and Mikie (at her friend's house), before heading to downtown Portland to meet Leah and Vickie for dinner! Yay!

On Friday, I got the call from New Jersey that they were offering me the job -- woot! But then we got a call from Kat, letting us know that she wasn't going to be able to be on staff the following week -- per her doctor's orders. Ack! So Gretchen and I spent the rest of the day trying to think of people who might be able to fill in at a moment's notice, because we knew we weren't going to be able to do Beaverton with only 3 staff members. We finally found someone who was interested and available (for the first 3 days...) at 8pm that evening. So that meant another new staff person to train, the last week of day camp...

I went to church with Gretchen on Sunday before we went to Beaverton, and lo and behold, guess who I ran into? My friend Katie, who I hadn't seen since April! Turns out her uncle goes to that church -- who knew? We were both in shock at seeing the other one there -- probably her more so than me.

Well, Beaverton came around and, well, no one showed up for their volunteer meeting, either. But they did all come in the morning like Gretchen requested, thank goodness, because it would have been a mess without that orientation, and it was a challenging enough day as it was. All but two of their shepherds were 18 or under, and only a few of them were really into the idea of giving the kids direction and telling them what to do, so pretty much everything started late that day. It got better as the week went on though. And it was really cool to have the diversity: most of the shepherds and a bunch of the kids were from a Korean Methodist congregation in Milwaukee.

The real adventure of the week though was when Kacy, our newest staff member, got sick halfway through the day on Monday (sound familiar?). Luckily this time we only had 3 small groups and so Mikie and Gretchen were able to fill in for her when they didn't have a group of kids in the afternoon. But it meant we had to rearrange our schedule for Tuesday... Then she called on Tuesday night and told us that she was going to come back for Wednesday. Kat's youngest brother also came to help out on Wednesday, which was a little bit random, but helpful, and we were glad to have in back on Thursday, too, since Kacy wasn't there. I felt sorry for the shepherds that week -- every single day had a different schedule!

When it was all over (oh, and don't forget the evening that Lisa Jean came over to our host home to evaluate the season with Gretchen and me), we packed the van, went home, and crashed. We finished our breakfast on Friday morning just in the nick of time before Julia arrived to do some debriefing with us. Mikie had had to leave for her sister's on Thursday evening and Kat was rafting, so it was just the three of us. It was good to see Julia one more time -- she is a jazz/folk musician who went to college with my aunt and knows both my parents very well, and I grew up listening to a lullaby album of hers... Then Gretchen and I spent the afternoon and evening sorting out the craft and supply bins and making inventory lists for them, and being goofy, and pretending to be upside-down cockroaches, and looking at each other's photos, and not going to bed until 12:30.

My parents came to get me on Saturday and we went berry-picking, and then Gretchen came with us to spend the night camping with us and we hiked to Bagby hot springs. On Sunday morning, we went our separate ways, and after a funeral in Corvallis in the afternoon, my parents and I headed out again for a night at the beach. When we got home Monday afternoon, it was time to say goodbye to summer vacation and start getting ready for the next big thing...

Hello, life

All of a sudden, life is about to start happening!

I have exactly one week to get ready for it (and lots to do before then!).

Next Wednesday my family all goes to Salem for Annual Conference (where my Mom will finally be ordained!) through Sunday, and then the following Wednesday my summer job starts! I'll be doing day camps, again, but it will be different this year and I won't be coming home every weekend between camps. A week after that gets over, I'll heading off to orientation for volunteer service in the fall. Don't know yet which volunteer corps or where -- I'm still going through the application process (Mennonite Voluntary Service and Jesuit Volunteer Corps) -- but I'm hoping to be headed East...

presidents presence precedence

On Friday, I got to drive 20 minutes and sit 8 rows away from the next president of the United States. (http://democratheraldnew.mycapture.com/mycapture/enlarge.asp?userphoto=&image=18810085 I'm in the black shirt in the background)

And tonight, the previous president of the United States gave a speech 5 blocks from my house.

It's cool to have Oregon's primary actually matter this year, and on such an important election year, too! This should definitely happen more often.

I'm sorry that this race turned out to be between Obama and Clinton, because I would have loved for us to have a woman president!, but I like his attitude and a few of his positions better, and I think she, sadly, has too many enemies. It's his message of hope and unity and working together; of soft lines, not hard ones -- diplomacy, not retaliation; a different way of thinking and of approaching problems. You should watch the ads at obamain30seconds.org -- they are pretty amazing!

And even though I'm not voting for Clinton, I don't want her to drop out of the race until after all the primaries are over, because I know how important it is for people to feel like they have a choice and that their voice matters. We totally need some major election reform. Soon.

zip-zop-zoom

Well, I have now been home for -- has it really only been one week?! Yes, I guess so, because I just took my second dose of chloroquine, and I've got one more to go. It's taken my body and my digestive system a while to adjust to the temperature and the food. So I've been eating lots of rice, beans, and tortillas instead of all those interesting foods I was looking forward to... I thought it was supposed to be spring here in Oregon! So why does it keep snowing? I know that March and April are often cloudy and rainy and cool--but snow? Let's hear it for global climate change...

I got home late Wednesday night, and life began again right away! Thursday evening was a Maundy Thursday service with dinner. There was something meaningful about holding that service in a home rather than at a church; a meal with friends in a house: the last supper wasn't held in a synagogue or the temple! Friday evening I went to Eugene with some other CoHo people in an unsuccessful attempt to see Barack Obama. Saturday, which was a beautiful, sunny first day of spring, I participated in a peace march with 450 other people here in Corvallis.

Sunday, of course, was Easter, and a long day at church in Sweet Home with my mom: 7am sunrise service (preceded by a 45-minute drive), then breakfast, sunday school, and 11am worship followed by a tasty coffee hour. It was nice to have an Easter where the "Resurrection of Jesus" was not rammed down one's throat. Instead, the emphasis was on new life, witnessing to Christ in our lives, and choosing life over death. And living out that choice by speaking out against violence and war. I love that congregation. They are such wonderful people to be around and worship with; they have such a closeness and earnestness; are so spirit-filled, alive, generous and loving. And of course they are full of humor. I think my time in Honduras gave me an even greater awareness of the importance of community and the need for communal worship in our spiritual lives. It's just not the same when there's only two of you...

So now it's time to be thinking about the big question: what next? It's what everybody keeps asking me, and what I keep asking myself...

Homecoming

The trip went smoothly--hooray. We managed a speedy early morning bus ride to San Pedro Sula (2 1/2 hours), and got to the airport by 8:45am! (you do the math--it was pitch dark when we got up...) My flight wasn't until noon, so we got to hang out for a while (and eat a perfectly ripe delicious mango) before I went up to the gate. And waited for Beth to arrive! The airport is set up in such a way that all the arrivals walk down a corridor separated from the gate waiting area only by a glass wall. And since she was arriving on the same plane that I would be leaving on, we knew that we'd get to see each other in passing--and we did! Even got to say hi through a sliding door that was slightly ajar...

The sight of all the perfect little (or big) suburban developments with their big, private houses as we descended into Houston was really depressing. In most places in Central America, people live so close to each other--their homes and their lives... It made me mourn our lack of community, of openness, of relationship; our isolation. We think it makes us happy and secure or something, but I'm pretty sure the opposite is true -- it's unhealthy!


Upon entering the cold, shiny light of the airport, I was immediately aware of how faded, dusty, and worn my dress was. I felt dingy, dirty, shabby, inside that clean, sparkling, pristine building. So different from Honduras... I changed my clothes so that I wouldn't feel quite so self-conscious.


Well, I didn't know Texas had so much water in it! The view out the airplane window was just amazing with the evening sun reflecting off a landscape filled with little pools of water. It positively sparkled with a golden glint. Astounding. It reminded me a bit of Minnesota, but the ponds are smaller, and they're everywhere! I've never seen anything like it.

The coolest thing about flying westward in the evening is that the sunset lasts for a really long time. =)

Home again.

It feels so comfortable and familiar. Almost as if I'd never been gone (especially since the weather's about the same as when I left). I'm going to have to work at not just slipping back into my old passive habits...

Leaving

I leave tomorrow to return home to Oregon. I am a bit sad--I could have easily spent a few more weeks here with my sister. If you've been following this blog, you may want to go back to the beginning, because I'm adding posts on the dates they happened. So there might be some new ones that say they're older than ones I posted previously, because the last time we were at the internet we had very little time and I didn't get very much done.

We haven't been able to get mail the last 3 weeks. There wasn't any for 2 weeks, and the post office wasn't open on Monday before we left for El Pino. So, I hope nobody tried to send me any letters, because I didn't get any of them! If any arrive for me in the next few weeks, my sister will perhaps mail them back to me in the U.S, and I'll get them in another 4 weeks...

Here's what I AM looking forward to about going home:

clean, comfortable bathrooms
consistent internet access
no mosquitoes
a soft bed

a visit to the neighbors, for real

Today we honestly did go visit the neighbors! This time, we walked down the road and through Lencho's property (and past the unattended cows that were milling around at the entrance, both inside and outside the gate). We had a nice conversation with Maria Elena, the young woman--and , shock of all shocks, I actually did most of the talking! When she was at our house on Wednesday she had promised that she would give us some milk if we came by in the morning, which she did--fresh cow milk is a treat for us! And so we took her some lemongrass in return. Suyapa, the real woman of the house, appeared a little later and gave us some fresh eggs, too.

And we walked home by way of the creek. I was glad to discover that the place where we had given up and turned around last time was not right around the bend from them! It was about 1/3 of the way back. In one spot, a large tree had been cut down and fallen into and across the creek, filling the canyon. With all the rain and high water we've had, it was full of branches, sticks, and foliage so as to make the creek completely impassable. We had to clumb up the hillside ato go around it. All the while being very careful not to break the eggs or drop the bottle of milk... But we made it! In the end though, we decided that even though it seems more direct to go by way of the creek, it's not any faster and it's certainly much more difficult! Future trips by Prairie and Beth will probably be made by way of Lencho's.

Plaga!

The problem with the nice comfortable weather we've been having is that it brings out the mosquitoes. Here, having a lot of mosquitoes around is called a "plaga"--a plague. It's a pretty accurate description! It's been going on ever since the rain started, which have now thankfully restricted themselves to the nighttime. The daytime mosquitoes are larger and leave big blotchy bites, itchier than the evening mosquitoes. They have replaced the no-see-ums and biting flies, which seem to like the hotter, drier weather. I am getting eaten alive, despite wearing long pants and shirt and bug repellent...

A couple of our neighbors came by to visit this afternoon--a young man and woman. She was very amused by the idea that I would be covered with mosquito bites when I return home.

I spent the rest of the day hiding under my mosquito net.

Monday, Monday

Well, it was another predictably unpredictable Monday! We waffled about whether or not to go because of the rain last night and the lingering clouds this morning, but go we did. It was a fast and easy walk, being so cool. Another calm morning at Centro de Salud, so we left at 11. Took a walk along the beach on our way to check the mail (there wasn't any again). We went to Sor Leonarda's house (she runs an orphanage) because she had received a bunch of medicines from the U.S. and didn't know what they were. So we identified and labeled them. She gave us grape fruit and granola bars, which I was very thankful for, it being close to lunchtime! Then, she showed us a tub that had bathroom products in it, which we helped identify too--shampoo, hair spray, body wash, etc. When we finished, we started to say goodbye, but then she remembered she had a letter to send that she wanted us to translate into English. So, we did that, too. By the time we left, it was 1:15! Talk about being hungry! And we still had shopping to do.

Finally, we were able to sit down and eat our lunch while we waited for a bus or jalón. Someone Prairie knew saw us on his way into town and said he'd come pick us up on his way out again, which sounded like it was going to be soon, so we waited. and waited. some other people came by and waited, too. But at 3 o'clock, we knew we had to leave because if the jalón or a bus didn't show up, it would take us at least 2 hours to walk home. So we left. And after a few minutes, a jalón picked us up! We got a ride all the way to our desvío--hooray! There, we ran into two men with horses who were on their way home beyond La Fortuna. They offered to put our backpacks on one of the horses, and they also gave us each an ear of elote! We could see that clouds were gathering again in the hills, and it cooled off nicely during our walk. We got home probably around 4:30 or 5, which means that the men weren't going to get home for at least another 3 hours. They were calling home on their cell phones to find out what the weather was doing--I can only imaging that it must have been a wet trip...

The morning after

Even clouds need their rest.

The morning after a hard rain,
exhausted,
you can see them
taking naps
on the hillsides.
__

There's something so spirit-filled about the morning, la mañana, after a rainstorm. It's tranquila, open; the birds sing in the silence. Calm, peace, and new life, along with celebration, hope. It's the best thing about the rain.

More rain

It rained again today. But it was warm and dry enough in the morning to wash our clothes and bathe in the creek. The rain started in the late morning, and we were totally disoriented about the time from that point forward--and we seem to have been way off, as it was already pitch black when we started cooking dinner. This afternoon, we made candles! That was a fun project; a good rainy day activity. We made a couple jar candles, and four dip candles. Those ones took forever! But I didn't mind--it was warm and cozy and peaceful in the kitchen. And dry. So we ate dinner in the kitchen, too--why not? It was rather enjoyable! But I'd be perfectly happy if the rain decides it's done now and doesn't come back tomorrow. One day of darkness and indoor confinement is enough for me...

Francisco's

Today we decided to visit Francisco's family. They live a two hours' walk up & down the road from us. You can see their property from the monastery--a high hill with a lone tree at the top. The walk there wasn't too bad, although we went the wrong direction at their turn off. Aparrently they could see us, so one of the boys came and found us and redirected us toward their house. When we first arrived, Santos Emilia served us some "leche con cornflakes"--hot fresh cow's milk, a bowl of cornflakes, and sugar of course. I was hungry, so I was thankful, even though it was hot! We spent a lot of time just watching her cook, as that's pretty much all she did while we were there (she does have at least 10 mouths to feed!). It was a little awkward to just be sitting around, not really knowing what to say or do--but there were children, chickens and pigs to be distracted by. By the late morning, we were feeling useless and perhaps in the way, so we asked if we should leave--but no! Santos had sent one of the boys to get some elote to send home with us, and didn't we want to wait for that? Well, of course! So we had a reason to stay. And she fed us lunch--what a lunch! Eggs, rice, beans with culantro, yame (which is kind of a mix between a potato and yucca), and fresh maseca tortillas. And to top it off, a cup of café con leche. It was all delicious. And besides the corn, she also gave us a couple pounds of beans and some cuajada (fresh cheese) to bring home! I am always amazed at how generous people, especially rural people, are.

Another Monday

Oh Mondays--you never know what to expect; they're always different. Last week was pretty straightforward, and we walked home again with Santos Emilia (Francisco's wife) and two of her sons, a 14-month old and a 13-year old. They even came in to the monastery for a bit and did afternoon prayers with us.

This morning, Orvín, the 13-year old showed up at our house as we were getting ready to leave in order to gift us with some tamalitos de elote (fresh corn) from his mom! Since we were about ready to go, he waited for us and then we all walked to Chito's together. Well, he rode his horse. Upon arriving, Chito informed us that we were tempranitas today--earlier than usual. Then we checked in at the neighbors' (who happen to be Chito's in-laws), and were gifted with a slice of watermelon! A delicious treat.

A few minutes after we started walking down the road to Limón, a nice young man who Prairie knew stopped to give us a lift in his pick-up. He and his wife have a new baby, and when Prairie asked him how he was, he just glowed with adoration and wonder and responded "es lindo, es muy lindo" (lindo=beautiful/sweet/precious). Obviously the first child of a proud daddy.

It was another slow day at the Centro, and there wasn't any mail (because of the rain?), and then we had lots of shopping to do. And it was HOT! We bought some frozen milk malt drinks for the walk home, one strawberry, one vanilla-flavored. They taste like of like milkshakes. Yummy! As we were preparing to leave town and find a place to eat our lunch, a man came up to us who knew Prairie and offered to give us a ride! So off we went in his rattly little car with its flat tire...He took us about a third of the way down (up) our desvío--yay! And we were glad he stopped, because we're not sure his car would have made it much farther down that road! We were home between 1 and 2 -- about the time we've been left Limón the other weeks! I definitely prefer getting back early and having a relaxed afternoon. It was a good day.

Rain: A metaphor

It rained and poured.
And on the first day
we rejoiced!
for the water had been scarce
the tank almost empty.
We felt the Spirit
falling on us
like the rain
filling us
Our cup was filled to overflowing!

On the second day,
we appreciated the sunshine,
but our revelry was
interrupted
the rain was not finished with us yet.
But we bore with it,
glad that it was watering
the parched earth
and our new seeds.

On the third day
we woke to dark skies.
The sun was nowhere to be found.
We lost all sense of time
as the day stretched on.
The rain came back with a vengeance
pounding on the roof
lashing at the walls
begging for admission
Despair set in
(But our reservoir is full now
we can hold no more!
we have what we need,
you're job is done.)
Frustration
(Please, go away.
enough is enough!
I am tired of your endless
insistence.)
Resignation
(We'll go inside
and not come out
until you have gone.)

In the night,
we look up to the heavens
and they are filled with
stars!
The morning dawns bright,
peaceful, gentle
filled with birdsong.
The Spirit shines on us
like the sun.

It is the Sabbath.

Rain rain rain rain rain!

Thursday, 28 Feb.

After one of the hottest days ever, we are now plagued with the coldest day ever! Yesterday evening, Prairie noticed that the wind was blowing in from the north, which is usually an indication of a cold front that brings rain. And she was right! The wind and rain begain in the early morning and has only let up for a few brief moments all day. You can't even sit on the porch without getting wet, we we've mostly stayed inside. Even then, the wind blows the rain in through the gaps in the windows, walls, and roof. It's so chilly and damp that I've been wearing long pants all day and wrapped a big towel around my shoulders. Our water tank, which was almost empty, is now completely full and overflowing, and it keeps raining!

Friday, 29 Feb.

Sunshine is such a relief after a day of solid rain. Who would have guessed, after the heat we experienced on Wednesday! It was a very comfortable morning, with a mix of sun and clouds. But then it started raining again in the late afternoon...

Saturday, 1 March.

More rain?! Sigh. I actually like the cooler days when there is some rain, but I don't enjoy when all day or even half the day is just solid rain. We did laundry this morning, which was kind of a joke--had to hang the clothes inside; wonder how many days it will take them to dry? With the heavy clouds, we really had no idea what time it was, so dinner ended up being really late--we were cooking in the dark by the light of the lantern and a flashlight! I am ready for another hot sunshiney day!

time

Time. Only one moment of it exists at a time. At each moment, everything that is is the only thing that is. Each moment is a miracle -- the unfolding of creation. Because nothing beyond that moments exists, or has ever existed!

Bonito

What a day! I am completely worn out, my body is just exhausted from all the walking we did and I have a headache. We were up early and walked to Chito & Rosa's to catch a bus to Bonito Oriental (aka Carbonales) -- but despite how early we thought we were, we didn't get there until about 9:45. Went to the bank first, then dropped some mail off, then did some shopping. First, vegetables. Then Prairie remembered she needed to buy pens, so we did that. And I remembered we needed a new ax handle, so we did that. Then cheese and fruit. Finally we made it to the internet around 11 or so. Prairie wanted us to catch the noon bus out of town because we had to stop in Limón before going back to the monastery. And with a slow computer, I didn't get nearly as much done on the internet as I'd hoped. Oh well. When the bus came (more like 12:30), Prairie flagged it down while I paid at the internet café and then walked straight out the door and onto the bus! We got lucky that it was one of the few buses that actually goes all the way into Limón rather than stopping at the end of the 4km turnoff. It was the dustiest bus ride ever! And so long... I had to cover my mouth and nose with a damp hanky just so I could breathe.

We were only in Limón for about a half an hour, and then we headed out, this time walking the whole way to Chito & Rosa's -- no jalóns today. We rested there for a while and ate our oranges, then continued on our way to our desvío. By now it was somewhere around 4pm, which meant we wouldn't get home until around 5. A pickup truck passed us and waved a greeting, but didn't stop, and Prairie lamented because it was someone she knew, and he was going in our direction, probably down our desvío. Well, when we got to the desvío, he was returning from it and stopped to apologize for not giving us a ride, but that he had been hauling trash and wasn't going to make us sit among the trash bags! We kept walking. But a few minutes later, we heard a car again, and it was him! Coming back to pick us up! He must have found it in his heart after all. I was SO grateful!!! He took us almost all the way to where the quebrada crosses the road, about 3/4 of the way to the monastery. I was so hot and tired, I think I would have expired on the way back if we hadn't gotten that jalón...

The butterfly

Through the streaked layer of dirt
on the thick window
of the bus,
Against a wall
of green foliage
laden with dust,
There soars a butterfly.

Not even the grit
and dinginess
of its surroundings
can dull
its bright orange
radiance.

"The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it" (John 1:5)

Quebrada hike

"quebrada" means "creek." it also means "broken."

Today, Prairie decided it would be a good idea to visit the neighbors and take them our chicken-feed corn. And we figured it was closer to go by way of the creek than through Lencho's property. So, we set out. Well, as it turns out, there is a Y in the creek, and as you can guess, we didn't know which way to go! The barbed wire fence ran across it, and we decided to stay on "our" side of the fence. But after a while, we felt like we were getting farther away from where we thought their house was (although we didn't honestly know quite where we were!). And then the creek turned it what really seemed like the wrong direction. Hm. So, we went back to the Y and went the other way. It was even worse! The creek was smaller and the banks were muddier and steeper. The whole time we were clambering over logs and roots and hacking our way through the branches and other vegetation. We gave up when the way became impossible -- impassible.

We hadn't gotten very far on our way back when my toe caught on a stalk of grass laying across the ground --ouch! Got a nice little slice across the front of the big toe on my right foot. Well, that make the hike back a bit less enjoyable, and definitely more urgent. Luckily, it's not very deep, but it still stung! And there was still lots of grass, mud, and branches to go through to get back. I was thankful every chance I had to walk in the water. So my toe now has a nice little bandage on it. Prairie was smart and had worn her rubber boots, but we hadn't expected the trail to be so difficult! That is to say, we had thought there would more of a trail...Next time, we'll go through Lencho's and maybe come back by the creek. Maybe not...

the beginning of an answer

God:

You are wisdom, light, truth,
bringer of wisdom, light, truth.
You are joy, love, hope
and the bearer of joy, love, hope.
You are spirit of life,
breath of life,
source of life.
You are birther, nurturer, comforter.
You are the ancient one--a rock
You are a child--energy, wonder
You are a builder of bridgers,
and a bridge, too.
You are an infinite ocean
vaster than any mind can comprehend.
You are the sustainer of life,
the rhythm of life,
hearbeat of the universe.
You are a light on our path
you are the path.
You guide us through changes
you are change,
movement,
spinning us in circles,
through our cycles of existence.
You are the fiber of my being.
of everything.
And you call us to discover
our wholeness in you
in us.

Moonglow

Lat night, I looked up and saw a tree that was sparkling. It looked like there were little balls of light resting on its branches and leaves! Like fireflies, only they didn't blink; they swayed with the breeze. And I realized that it was droplets of light from the moon! Glorious.

waiting and walking

People do a lot of waiting around here. waiting for buses, for jalóns, for anything to happen... Today we waited around outside of Andrés's store for maybe an hour, along with about 20 other people. Just waiting. I watched two drunk men stagger around and then sit down on a bench together. Finally, we decided to begin walking, joined by Francisco's family again--his wife Santos Emilia and a few of their children. One of the drunk men kind of tagged along with us, and when a bus finally did come by, he got on, too. When I made a comment about the "drunk guy" to Prairie, she informed me that it was Francisco himself! I could barely believe it. He was almost completely unrecognizable to me. It's rather depressing, and makes me feel sorry for his wife and children (there are 8 of them!) who have to deal with a husband and father who gets drunk every time he goes to town. Luckily, I don't think they make the trip into town very often...

Seeds

Yesterday morning, we planted some seed bags and pots. 3 tomatoes, 3 peppers, some sage, basil, and coriander. It was a very satisfying activity. I enjoy simple gardening, working with creation. And it was something that could be started and finished in one sitting, involved a variety of tasks, and used a different part of the brain than, say, reading. And, it will (hopefully) bear edible results! It just felt good.

Cookies, Corn, and Cards

Feliz cumpleaños, Pradera! Today was Prairie's 26th birthday.

We did some gardening around the house this morning--I transplanted some lemongrass. But, for most of the morning, and most of the rest of the day, I was sorting corn. The corn we bought in Tocoa the other week was pretty bad--I spent the day crushing weevils and picking out kernels that had holes in them (where the weevils like to hang out). Hopefully now though the corn won't get much worse, since the majority of the bugs are out.

After lunch I brought out the gifts for Prairie--dried apricots, a chocolate-espresso bar, and a deck of cards. Yay. At dinner time, I got to make molasses crinkles! This being rural Honduras, they were a little different than what you might be used to. We had no shortening, just oil. And no brown sugar, just a form of solidified molasses called rapadura. But they came out just fine! Mmm, mmm!

In the evening, we played cards in the lamplight. It rained for a while, so hard that we could barely hear each other talk! The only interesting game we could remember was Rummy 500. I won by 300 points...

Grapefruit and chicken feet

Another long Monday, but a good day. And, it rained last night--finally! hooray. It is so loud when it rains hard--it kept me awake, along with my needed to go pee...

It was a slow day at Centro de Salud, but at the one moment when someone actually showed up with a prescription to be filled, Prairie wasn't in the room, and I was expected to do it! I felt so helpless--I couldn't read the doctor's handwriting to know what the medicines or dosage instructions were, I didn't know where to find them on the shelf, and I couldn't rip the tape to make the labels. Sigh. But I survived.

After getting our mail, we went to visit Gloria, a good friend of Prairie and Beth's. She fed us grapefruit! What a treat! We don't get much of that around here. And then she gave us lunch. I wasn't very interested in the "sopa de pato" (chicken-foot soup), so I had mostly broth with vegetables. Prairie gave me one of her chicken toes to try...it was enough.

On the way home, we walked with a family--a father (Francisco) and three older children--who live about 2 hours farther down the road to La Fortuna from us.

Wandering

I am wandering
in the pre-dawn light
of a cloudy day.
for I am not in total darkness,
but I have not come into full being
or understanding.
it is grey. and dim.

But
when the sun does finally rise,
it will be all the more glorious
for the clouds.
They may obscure the light
delay the daybreak

and make the search for truth more difficult,
But the most beautiful sunrises occur
when the clouds are illuminated
in hues
of pink, orange, and purple,
yellow against steel blue
And we revel in God,
the light of life.

Swinging with God

Here's a poem I wrote in El Pino after watching a young girl on a swing:

It only takes a few pumps of the legs
and arms
and then you're off.

Sometimes,
when you're small,
a push from a parent helps.
sometimes all it takes is a friend
your same age.

Arms, legs, and body working together,
you ride higher
and begin to soar.

Then, you can relax into the rhythm
and enjoy your flight
on the wings of the spirit.

When you descend,
calmly
back to solid ground
and dismount--
perhaps with a leap of joy--
your life goes on
and the swing stays behind,
swaying
waiting to carry its next soul
to freedom.

back to the mountain

so now it's back to the mountain with my sister. while Beth was here, I kind of felt like I was in a holding pattern, waiting for her leave so my experience could really begin. For the first 2 weeks it was mostly just me following their lead, tagging along--which felt appropriate, but I was getting tired of it. the dynamic will be very different with her gone, with just my sister and I. I'm looking forward to it, and hope we can get along without getting sick of each other for the next 6 weeks! We'll be back in town in a few weeks and I'll write more updates then. For now, you can look at my pictures on facebook: http://stolaf.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2037363&l=d5e68&id=40401366

adios, beth

We are in El Pino and La Ceiba to see Beth off for her trip to the States. That means that we traveled to El Pino on Monday and spent the night here, before putting Beth on the bus bright and early Tuesday morning. Prairie and I spent Tuesday and Wednesday mornings helping with the children's feeding and pre-school program that the El Pino Methodist church runs. Tuesday was their first day. Hah! What chaos! First, we helped sort beans. Then, the kids arrived and immediately started crying and yelling because they didn't want their mommies to leave. I had planned to help out in the classroom with the 5 and 6 year-olds, since I have more experience with children age 6 and up. Well, the teacher asked me if I could help with the 3-year-olds instead (of which there were 15), because it was their teacher's very first day ever and she could use the help! So I did. Or at least, I tried. I didn't really know what to help her with though, since she wasn't giving any instructions. So mostly I just tried to comfort the five children who wouldn't stop crying--I succeeded with one of them! The same thing pretty much happened on Wednesday, although not as many children were crying as loudly for as long of a time. One sobbing little boy peed on the floor. And when I picked him up for a moment on our way to lunch, I discovered a stinky mess on his leg--and then on my dress... It was frustrating to see how little control the teachers had over the children, especially the one I was working with, who seemed at a loss for what to do. She'll be in my thoughts as the program continues...

the sound of water

I like the way the water tank sings as droplets fall into it. Each one has a different sound that rings, as if in a great silent chamber, a cathedral, or a cave; a holy place.

Creatures

I like the little lizards around here. There are little green ones and little brown ones. The green ones like to climb on the firewood. Prairie calls the brown ones dinosaur lizards because they have giant back feet and they run on their hind legs. They have a wide black stripe on their head, and a bright yellow-green stripe down the length of their body.

When I sat down in the hammock earlier, I saw something move on the ground below me. It was a spider. A few moments later, I saw it again, and all of a sudden one of the dinosaur lizards darted out of nowhere, caught it, ate it, and scampered off again!

We also have a resident giant hairy tarantula in the house.

Isn't nature amazing?

Life at the monastery

Here's what we do at the monastery:

arise at dawn and do morning prayers while the sun rises
cook and eat breakfast
do laundry, work in the garden, or other physical labor
cook and eat lunch
rest, read, study, write
do afternoon worship
more resting or reading, etc. or housework and bathing
cook and eat dinner
read, write, study, chat
do evening worship
go to bed

So far I have learned to sort, wash, and grind corn; start a fire for the stove, bake a wacky cake in the oven; turn on the kerosene lamp; cut down trees; chop ocote for the fire; and ring the bell for worship. I was already familiar with sorting beans and hand-washing clothes from my previous experience.

There is no electricity, and the stars are simply amazing at night! If only we knew our constellations better...

biting bugs

Why do mosquito bites always itch worse at night? and why do they like my right side better than my left? It is a mystery. I have at least 55--I counted. They're not all mosquito bites; some are from no-see-ums, and others from ants. luckily, the ant bites don't itch, they just sting for about 5 minutes after you get them. yesterday I managed to get ants in my pants by stepping in a swarm of them--ouch. I am grateful to have strong bug repellent and a mosquito net on my bed--I would be absolutely miserable without them!

Monday in Limón

Monday is Limón day, volunteering at the Centro de Salud. That means we walk an hour down to the main road and then try to get a ride the rest of the way into town (it would be another hour on foot). Today, we headed out as early as possible after morning prayers and breakfast. A pick-up (jalón) gave us a ride for the last half.

When we got to Centro de Salud, I was given the job of sorting out the ingredients of a box of medicines and supplies that a missionary team had left a month or two ago. I had to check expiration dates, sort them by tupe, label them in Spanish, and put them in the correct spot on the shelf. Well, I did what I could! I didn't know the names for most of them, and I had no idea where to put them on the shelf. Once it was empty, I filled the tub half full again with expired medicines--what a shame.

We'll see what the other Mondays have in store for me!

Getting Here

I give thanks for smooth traveling! I only had a few minor mishaps... First, after I had checked my box, I glanced at the display case of prohibited carry-on items on my way to security: oops! I had bug repellent and sunscreen in my bag. The only solution was to check my backpack as well, which was actually preferable, since I didn't have to carry it around me with during my 3-hour early morning layover in Houston!

When I arrived in San Pedro Sula, wow it was hot and humid! The customs checkers wanted to check my box--which contained books, medicines, dried fruits, and chocolate--and then they had to find tape to tape it up again... Prairie and Beth were there to meet me, and a few hours later as we made our way to La Ceiba by bus I had the sudden realization that I had no idea where my sweater and long sleeve shirt were. Prairie swears she never saw them. Aparrently, they never made it out of the customs room with me! I just had to laugh at the fact that I was so hot that it took me so long to notice. Luckily, they did have an extra long sleeve shirt to loan me!

As the plane was landing, and as the bus made it's way through towns and countryside, I was caught by the thought that here I am, in this world again--the one I chose to study, to spend my time in. but why? I don't even particularly enjoy it! Everything felt so familiar, like all my memories. dusty, decrepit, dirty... and yet, somehow still beautiful.

We stayed in the town of El Pino, near La Ceiba, for a few days before continuing on to Limón and the monastery. I was ready to be out of the city and into the slow simplicity of rural life!

i have arrived (partially)

here i am in hot and steamy honduras! i arrived thirsty, parched, and tired; 12 hours later, i think i have recovered...we haven´t made it to the monastery yet, though--that's tomorrow. Right now we're in La Ceiba doing email and shopping--helping Beth prepare for her trip to the states. i'm looking forward to finally going to the mountain tomorrow, i don't particularly enjoy the city... right now, i don't really have much to say, but i'm sure there will be lots to write next time!

to see pictures of what the monastery is like and get an idea of where i am, check out www.flickr.com/photos/amigasdelsenor

i´ll be online again in about 2 weeks, and hopefully we´ll have more pictures (that include me!) to post.

A Temporary Monastic

Today is the day I take off for an 8-week stay in Honduras! I will be staying at the Amigas del Señor monastery, which means i'll be living in a small house in the hills of rural northern Honduras near the town on Limón on the Caribbean coast, with my sister. Life there will consist of arising at dawn, doing morning prayers, cooking on a wood-fired stove, gardening on a steep hillside, doing afternoon prayers, singing, reading/studying, journaling, walking to town every so often, hand-washing our clothes, eating, doing evening prayers, and sleeping. Not to mention swatting mosquitos and sweating a lot...and I'm sure there are things I've forgotten or haven't anticipated. It will be an interesting experience to spend such intense time with my sister as my only constant company--I hope we don't get sick of each other! If you want to write to me while I'm there, send letters to:

Autumn Cutting
Amigas del Señor
Limón, Colón, Honduras

mail takes approx. 4 weeks to arrive, so mail it by Feb. 15, as I return home on the 19th of March!

I won't get to the internet too many times while I'm down there, but at least a couple.