It’s the end of the world as we know it…

JVC Camden 08-09 has ended. 

Conor and Megan left a week ago, and Patti, Dan I finished out this last week together just – except that we didn’t really see much of each other…  Patti was really busy all week, and Mom and Dad visited Tuesday through Thursday, so I was somewhat preoccupied as well! 

It was really nice to have them visit, but a little stressful with trying to wrap up work and JVC stuff and spend time with them, too.  But they were really useful in helping me get my oil change taken care of!  They visited me at work on Wednesday afternoon and we dropped my car off at the shop on the way home.  Showed them around the neighborhood when we got home – went down some streets I’d never been on before all year!  Not having the car on Thursday morning meant I got to sleep in and walk to the Camden Children’s Garden to meet my summer camp crew there for our field trip – =)  As they were all getting on the bus to head back to ERLH, Mom and Dad picked me up and drove me to the shop to get my car so I could drive it back to work for the rest of the day.  I dropped my parents off at the airport that evening for their flight to New Hampshire for my aunt’s wedding.

Friday was my last day of work.  It felt kind of weird because we didn’t have a normal schedule and I didn’t really have to do anything at all.  There was a going-away feast for me: chicken, rice, beans, tacos, chips, fruit salad…and apple crisp (made by me).  After all that, a cake was brought out for me, and Cindy had the kids say nice goodbye things to me, which was really sweet (the best one was “thank you for helping me feel better when I was upset”).  After lunch, the kids went outside, and I was summoned over to the management building for another farewell (for me and the law intern) and more cake – which I managed to avoid.  When I got back to the Education Center, some of the kids were already getting ready to go home!  The ones who were left just had free time to play games – and then it started to rain.  And I mean RAIN!  There was a flash flood warning for the area.  And at 4:30, Cindy drove the 4 kids that were still left to their homes…the end. 

I’m really sad to be leaving the kids, especially before the end of the summer program because it feels like I’m deserting them and leaving my work unfinished…so I’m going to miss the kids and watching them grow, but I’m really glad to be done with the job…

Gratitude

Something amazing happened at work today.

The kids were gathering in the back waiting for instructions for their afternoon activity and as soon as I entered the room, Cindy said, "Lanae and Jza'ceir, you are going to go to the library right now with Miss Autumn and she's going to do some mediation between you two."

What? I could hardly believe my ears. Really? She wanted me to do that? I was surprised because she hasn't always been supportive/understanding/confident of my ability to deal with discipline issues. I felt proud because it was a sign that she thought I was capable, and grateful that she was giving me a chance to use the communication skills I've been trying to cultivate. I'm more used to her giving me advice, which often feels like criticism, so her asking me to do that is about the highest praise I've received all year.

Comfortable and confident...

As we were cleaning up from the day today, Cindy turned to me and said, “You seem to be a lot more confident and comfortable with this than you were with the HW Club.” And I absolutely agreed with her.

I think there are a number of factors involved. 1) It’s much more similar to the day camp job I had for the last 5 summers, 2) it’s more informal and fun and we can change the plans if we need to because we planned them (we’re not trying to get them to do homework they don’t want to do that someone else told them to do), 3) I was around for the planning of it and I get to be in charge of stuff, so my role in leading the program is very different than it was in the HW Club and I feel like I have more freedom.

I was aware of these differences before Cindy made that comment, and even though it just sounds like a statement of observation, it feels like a compliment, which means a lot because compliments from her have been few and far between this year…

Summer Program Begins!

I’ve just had the best two days of work so far this year: the first two days of the summer program. Yesterday just felt so easy and natural, and today was so much fun! Monday might be a different story since I'll actually have to be teaching lessons, but I’m hoping for the best…

Thursday felt like it went by really fast, even though it was 7 and a half hours with the kids. Today was long, but great: we took a field trip to the historic Peter Mott House (underground railroad) and then swimming. The best part of the day was helping D’Andre overcome his fear of drowning because he couldn’t swim. We spent a lot of time together. It’s unusual to see him so vulnerable and clingy because he usually puts on such a tough, angry exterior. He was still scared to let of me after I got a life jacket for him – but by the time we left he was jumping into the pool by himself and doing twists and swimming around. =) The other best part was giving Jayson’s little brother, who’s 5, a piggy back ride all around the pool for 15 minutes. I guess it was just wonderful to connect and interact with the kids in an informal and fun setting rather than a classroom. =)

tired

I went to bed last night feeling weary, tired, worn out, and not wanting to go back to work. That didn’t really change until the kids shows up for HW Club, which is ironic because that’s the part I was dreading…

I haven’t decided if I like the new hole in the wall yet, but it wasn’t as bad as I was afraid it might be. I actually left work feeling more awake and at peace than I had when I got there.

a series of unfortunate events, maybe

two unfortunate things happened at work this week while the kids were out on spring break.

1) we got a new internet provider and with it came new network firewalls, including facebook and chat. So, no more facebook during my lunch break or msn messenger…gchat still seems to work from my email page, though.

2) half the wall was taken out between the two classrooms. it’s a 4-foot wide doorway with no door. I’m worried it will leave me feeling more nervous and less free to do what I want…more evaluation from cindy, less courage for me…we’ll see what happens when the kids come back…

spring cleaning

Cindy and I spent the day cleaning, sorting, and rearranging. Must be spring cleaning time! The shelves in my office that hold games and supplies are much better organized now – we’ll see how long that lasts! The library has had almost a total transformation. Basically, we took all the books off of all the shelves, piled them in the middle of the floor, moved the bookcases to a different wall, and then sorted through the books and put most of them back on the shelves. For a while it looked like a hurricane had swept through the room, but now it is cleaner and more spacious than it’s been since I got here! We expect to be getting one or two new bookcases pretty soon, made by Cindy’s husband, so we had to make space for them.

But if it’s the first day of spring, why did so many people wake up to a light dusting of snow on the ground?

a long week...

this week has felt so long…today should have been Friday. In fact, yesterday should have been Friday! sigh.

On Monday, we had our first community night in about two weeks, which was really nice: we’ve been really scattered lately it feels and our community has felt pretty disconnected. We’ll see if anything comes of the discussion…

On Tuesday, I had to break up a fight between two boys – 2^nd and 3^rd grade. They were friends, too! And it all started over some stolen pieces of CookieCrisp: S got mad about it and stole Z’s picture. He wouldn’t give it back, so Z pushed him, and S punched back. That’s when I got in between them to stop it and keep them apart from each other. It was pretty intense – probably the most intense moment I’ve had all year in terms of adrenaline, even including the two days when I had to run the homework club by myself. The good thing is, when we brought their moms in to talk about it with them, there was no angry threatening language used toward the kids, and the resolution was not harsh punishment but rather an agreement between the boys that they were going to be friends, not enemies.

To celebrate St. Patty’s Day that night, we went over to the Philly house and had dinner with them and then went out to a bar in Old City. It wasn’t too crazy since it was a weeknight, although I didn’t get to bed until 2am…

Yesterday was fine, but I was super tired all day today, and didn’t have much patience for the kids. They kept on coming up to me and tattling on all the misbehavior that was going on: he said this to her, she used this word, she did this to him, he said this… most of these occurrences were happening in other rooms and not to the kids who were reporting it. I was trying to help kids do their homework, and my only reaction was to want to shout “I don’t care, stop bugging me!” I didn’t, but I was seriously annoyed. Once I got home, I just sat on the couch all evening feeling like a despondent lump and watched TV.

Thank goodness tomorrow is Friday.

A HW Club story

Little D tried to run away today because he wanted snack. He even got out the door and down the steps. I told him it was OK if he wanted to leave, but he needed to call his mom first. He came inside and I tried to hand him the phone, but he said he’d stay – if I gave him snack. So I explained to him why he hadn’t been allowed to have snack (he didn't have his shoes on and he was running around and being loud). Then I had him explain it to me. He said he was going to leave, I said he had to call his mom, he said he would stay if he had snack. I said he had lost his chance for snack today, but he gets a new chance every day to show that he can behave/follow instructions and get snack. But the consequence of his behavior today was no snack. He started to cry. I left the room, saying if he wanted to go home he could call his mom.

Cindy went to talk to him and came back saying she had told him that if he apologized to me (for what, being obstinate?) he could have snack. Next thing I see is him with his jacket and backpack on headed toward the door. Not leaving, just waiting. He hadn’t called his mom. I asked him what it was Mrs. Cindy wanted him to apologize to me for anyway. He didn’t answer. He tried to go out the door. I locked it and tried to give him the phone again. He took his jacket and backpack off. There was a picture of MLK on the table. I asked him if he knew who it was and if he knew anything about him. We talked for about 5 minutes: I was impressed at how much he knew! I asked if he was ready to go back in the other room with everyone else – If you give me snack! Would you like a poptart? No, popcorn. I already put the popcorn away, but if you’d like a poptart you may have one. No. Strawberry or Cinnamon-sugar? Strawberry. OK. Done.

I’m a little frustrated because I ended up giving in, but: he hadn’t actually done anything that bad, plus, he wanted to stay. I was just trying to be consistent and follow through on my consequence (because I often get the feeling that Cindy thinks I'm too soft or wishy-washy with the kids), even though I didn’t really want to -- when I had warned him, I hadn't meant it to be an ultimatum, but the other kids had interpreted it that way and would have thought I was being wishy-washy and going back on my word if I'd given him snack. So I was relieved that Cindy gave me a way out of it, but also in some small way kind of wished she hadn't...

My Birthday Saga

So I have to explain what else happened on the 25th! It was the craziest day of work I've had so far. It was my birthday AND it was a half day of school AND it was Thanksgiving feast day.


1) I arrived at the office in the morning only to get a phone call from my boss saying that her dad had passed away during the night and so she wouldn't be in. She would, however, stop by around 12:00 to drop off the food.


2) Middle school and high school-ers started showing up around 11:45. They wanted to know where the food was. Well, Cindy didn't show up until almost 12:45, and the little kids were supposed to arrive at 1:15. So the older kids helped us heat up and set up the food: turkey, mashed and sweet potatoes, rolls, green beans... A couple volunteers showed up and brought corn, cranberry sauce, and pumpkin pie. This craziness all started happening at the same moment that the two upset 5th grade boys came in...

3) Plus, Cindy was extra stressed out because she'd meant to do more for my birthday, like buy a cheesecake and have the kids made cards, but hadn't had time. A couple of the kids made birthday posters for me which they all signed. Someone unceremoniously handed me an unwrapped present: I had to check with Cindy to make sure it was actually a present for me.



4) The teens were still eating when the 1st-4th graders got here, and we had to move them out as quickly as they'd go so that the little kids would have a place to sit. By then, the food had cooled off again, so we had to heat up each kid's plate individually after they got their food... And then of course they wouldn't stay in their seats and eat.

Cindy left at 1:45. The two adult volunteers left at 2:30 after cleaning up most of the food and helping a couple kids with homework. I was left alone with 20 children who were going bonkers and being loud. And 5 teenagers who had offered to help with the kids but instead were hanging out in the computer lab and making sympathy cards for Ms. Cindy. Some had homework, some wanted to go outside, and I couldn't be in two places at one time! I finally remembered that the kids are perfectly self-sufficient when they're outside and realized it would be much less chaotic and stressful. I also realized that I still had to keep them busy for 2 more hours(!), and homework could be done after they'd gotten their energy out. Luckily, right as we were about to go out, a mom showed up to pick up her kid and offered to stick around and supervise for a little while -- THANK GOODNESS! Then, not too long after, our two regular Tuesday high school volunteers showed up! I was able to send kids in two at a time to get homework help from them while I stayed outside with the rest. Being an early release day and almost a holiday, a number of the kids went home early and the few that were left played games, watched a movie, and helped clean up.


5) Needless to say, my feet were sore and I was exhausted at the end of the day. So instead of going roller skating with my housemates, which I had NO energy for for, we just played Apples to Apples after dinner. My housemates made me a chocolate-peanut butter pie: yum!

Racism

Their classmate called them the n-word and told them they couldn’t do anything and said they looked like monkeys and swung from trees. The two 5th-grade boys came in to homework club on this festive day, their eyes brimming with pain. I don’t really know J., but I work with I. every single day. How should I respond? When I heard the story, I felt like I’d been kicked in the stomach. It was at that moment I realized I’ve never actually encountered such blatant racism first-hand before. It shocked me. I didn’t want to believe that anyone (even immature 5th-/6th-grade boys) still thought that way, or at the least still acted on those thoughts. The other kids asked them why they didn’t respond to the kid with in-kind put-downs or physical aggression. But wasn’t it obvious? Their spirits were crushed; they were too stunned and hurt; they would only get in trouble if they started a fight or an argument. And to top it all off, the vice principal didn’t believe their story. I thought I knew that this sort of stuff still went on in 21st-century America, but obviously I didn’t really know it…

Bartimaeus

For spirituality night this week, we listened to and reflected on the bible passage in which Jesus gives sight to the blind Bartimaeus.
When Bartimaeus cries out “Son of David, have mercy on me!” Jesus responds, “what is it you want me to do?” He answers, “I want to regain my sight”, and Jesus says, “Go, your faith has made you well.”

Inserting myself into the story, I realized I was identifying myself with the one being called upon for help. Children at work are constantly clamoring for attention and assistance. “Miss Autumn, Miss Autumn!” “What do you want? What do you need?” They are not nearly as articulate as Bartimaeus. And there was always a chance that the apparent need (sight) wasn’t actually what he wanted from Jesus. And the younger they are, the less likely it is that they even know what it is they need to be whole and happy. Even when they do know what they need and request it clearly, I don’t always know how to respond or have the ability grant their request. And sometimes I try but fail.

If only it were as simple and easy as it is in this story…

Kid Conflict

AG and JC have not been getting along for the past week. They just can’t seem to keep their hands (and feet) away from each other and picking on each other. I talked to A’s mom, and she thinks that the conflict might stem from jealousy issues over a common friend. The last couple of days, A has said some pretty mean things to J and hit her at least once. Today, she broke a crayon and said that’s what she wanted to do to J. When I try to talk her to about her rudeness, she says she doesn’t care.

Also today, JC was completely out of control, worse than the previous two days. She could not stay in one place for more than 5 or 10 seconds. She kept running about and flailing and kicking and yelling. And she would talk back to A. It was just too much so we called her parents in order to send her home, and then she cried for 10 minutes straight. She reported that someone told her she was annoying (A?) and it had obviously hurt her feelings, but my only response (which I of course refrained from saying out loud) was to agree: yes, you were really annoying today. Instead I just sighed and hugged her.

And now Cindy is rearranging the rooms again and taking all the younger kids (except E!) and giving me the older ones. It might be easier for me, but…I like the little ones even though they’re challenging. She didn’t ask me if I had any ideas or feelings about it. I want to have a conversation with A and J to help them deal with what’s going on between them, but now they’re both going to be in Cindy’s room…Hope she has fun with them! Ha. Ha.

ERLH Fall Festival

Whew, the Fall Festival is over – and it came off well. what a production!

It was fun and there were no big glitches; just some trouble with the cotton candy machine at first and running out of hot dogs and plates… The worst thing was being my feet for 7 hours straight: poor things were really tired at the end of the day.

The weather was great: a true northeaster fall day: partly cloudy, cold in the morning, beautiful, breezy, afternoon, around 60 degrees. I just wish I could have been more present and not running around so much. The kids had lots of fun with the bounce house, basketball shoot, face painting, pony rides and hay find, exploring the fire truck and ambulance, and eating sugary snacks (also including snow cones and pixie sticks…) – all for free.

Four of my housemates and 5 of the Philly JVs came and helped out, thank goodness, because we couldn’t have done it without them!

There's got to be a better way...

It was a rough week overall at work. First of all Cindy was having me do follow-up calls to all the people we invited to participate in or donate to the Fall Festival. Ick. And time was pressured Thursday and Friday to get the October calendar finished. And I had to stay late 3 days wrapping things up after working with kids until 6.

Tuesday was very frustrating. J was having issues following instructions and was being goofy. He ran into the back room and hid in the corner and wouldn’t talk to me or look at me. So I let him stay there while the others ate snack. Forcing him back to the room would have been met with more resistance on his part and goofing off and distracting the other kids from what they should be doing. My mistake, which led to the frustrating conversation with Cindy, was when I sent our volunteer back there to do his homework with him. I was thinking about so many other things that I didn’t think about the fact that a volunteer should not be alone in a room with a child. Big oops. So I asked them to move up to my office, no problem.

I felt pretty good about the way I had handled the whole situation. But when I relayed the whole story to Cindy, her response seemed to be that I should have been harder on him, should have given him an ultimatum and a punishment for not returning to the room. I was trying to be caring and maintain my sanity, and she wanted me to be strict and tough. Her advice for any subsequent situations that may arise was “You just have to be really firm sometimes and show them who’s boss, so that they know you’re serious. Sometimes I say things that make me cringe when I hear other people say them, but you’ve gotta do it, or they’ll never listen to you…” I know in my heart that that is not true. The problem, though, is that it’s so crazy and chaotic that we don’t have the time or staff to have the deeper one-on-one conversations with the kids about their feelings and needs and how they respond to each other. But I refuse to believe that it’s impossible to do any of that.

If they’d stop yelling at each other to stop yelling, we might actually be able to accomplish something. I have got to figure out how to talk to these kids in NVC, because I cannot do the yelling and threat thing. D ran away today after he was done reading. His brother chased him down, and one of the high schoolers carried him back. Sigh. At one point I had to take him into the hallway and make him get his body under control because he was just crazy and lashing out and jumping/kicking/punching like he does…then he was better for a while.

I think Cindy thinks I’m overwhelmed and don’t how to handle having 7 kids in my room. She keeps wanting to take some away and give me “easier” ones. We've already switched D and N out. Yesterday, she proposed taking J and E (two 1st-grade boys) out of my room in exchange for two older kids, but I managed to talk her out of it.

In terms of the kids in my room, I think I just got off to a bad start with them. I didn’t manage to establish rules/expectations right off the bat: the environment was not at all conducive to it, and it’s hard to talk to a group of kids who are bouncing off the walls… Most of my time is spent responding to things the kids are doing rather than preventing them from happening in the first place. The thing about J is that he reminds me of me when I was little – he’s very shy when people ask him to do things and doesn’t want to talk to adults or people who are trying to pry information from him. And then he just gets physical and goofy to avoid it.

P.S. his mother is from Honduras.

Work

Work is going along treadingly. As in: I’m not drowning, but I wouldn’t say it’s going “swimmingly.” I’m keeping my head above water, but it’s tiring.

In the first 4 hours, Cindy asks me to do things that I'm unsure about: often am not sure exactly what it is she wants me to do, or how she wants it done, or if she really cares how I do it…and sometimes they’re things I’d really rather not do, like make phone calls to businesses in the area and ask them if they’d be willing to donate food or supplies or money for our upcoming fall festival. If you know me very well, you know that making phone calls is one of my least favorite activities in the world. Especially when it’s to people I don’t know, and especially when it involves formality…SIGH.

The last 4 hours are a completely different story. I still haven’t quite figured out how to respond to and interact with the middle schoolers, so that’s always a little awkward. Then, the 1st-4th graders come and bounce off the walls and yell at each other and ignore my instructions or my pleadings. I don’t even get that many opportunities to give them instructions because I’m so busy trying to get them to calm down enough to listen! I wasn't expecting to be surprised by how difficult the children were and how chaotic it might be, but then I realized that although I'm used to working with groups of 7 kids at day camps, I'm only used to having 1 or 2 per group who are noisy and/or hyperactive and/or violent. But here, the opposite is true. Out of 7 there's maybe one or two that aren't! Luckily, they all have their good sides, too. The trick is to figure out how to make that good side be the dominant side...

I come home tired at the end of the day.

Day 1

Holy cow, I survived the first day of children…it was NUTS! The kids were crazy, and mostly I felt like I had no idea what I was supposed to be doing. Plus, we had them for 3 ½ hours instead of 1 ½ since the first day of school was a half day. Way to jump in with two feet! The hardest thing was trying to keep them from fighting with each other…

But as I told my parents, dealing with the kids was easier for me than sitting through an hour of listening to Giuliani and Palin speak at the Republican convention…