little sailboat

today i am a little sailboat
  (who once upon a time set off
   across the big wide ocean
   her sail full of hopes and dreams and anticipation for
   a soul-full adventure
   into life
   and toward god...)

today i am a little sailboat
adrift.

the air still and heavy
the sail slack for lack of a breeze
and, having run out of fuel to motor my way along,
there is
   nothing
i can do to direct or propel myself onward
  (not that i would know which direction to go
  anyway, given the clouds)

   where am i?
   where am i going?
   how will i ever get there?

the only thing i can do is
wait
and rely on the ocean current to carry me
slowly
along...

(and someday
the wind will pick up again, i know)

the trees are black

(this is the first of two poems that i wrote this past week, not noticing until rereading them later how similar their themes were...must be a lot of waiting and trusting going on inside me right now!)

the trees are black

against a deep dark blue and yet
i know that they are green:
  green-and-brown-and-yellow-and-grey
...i have seen them.

the trees are black.

they stand un-self-consciously
their beautiful half-naked figures silhouetted
by the shining blue
sapphire light of early morning

waiting.
patiently

for the earth to turn (as it always does) towards
the sun; and be illumined
in all their autumnal glory.  and yet -
for now

the trees are black.

(pause)

8 months, 2 incredible and busy internships, and 1 wonderful whirlwind trip with my parents later, it's time to pause.
re-collect myself.
reflect.
integrate my experiences with my understanding of myself, my call, my spirituality.

what better place to do that than at a contemplative monastery?

the place is Holy Hill Hermitage, a Carmelite community in Skreen, Ireland, founded in connection to the Spiritual Life Institute based in Crestone, Colorado.  The four monks (3 sisters, 1 brother) are all from the US.

i am here with 5 other young people taking part in a "young adult contemplative experience."  together, we will be exploring our spirituality, participating in the monastery's rhythm of life and prayer, of community and solitude, through readings, discussions, and time spent outdoors in nature and getting to know the local community.

i don't know yet if my travels abroad are over for the time being, or if my time here will re-invigorate me, but i plan to remain here at least until the end of November.  where i go from here may well have more to do with the balance of my bank account than by any other ambitions for travel and exploration, although "home" (though i have many "homes" to choose from thanks to all of you wonderful people!) is beginning to tug me back in that direction as well...