(pause)

8 months, 2 incredible and busy internships, and 1 wonderful whirlwind trip with my parents later, it's time to pause.
re-collect myself.
reflect.
integrate my experiences with my understanding of myself, my call, my spirituality.

what better place to do that than at a contemplative monastery?

the place is Holy Hill Hermitage, a Carmelite community in Skreen, Ireland, founded in connection to the Spiritual Life Institute based in Crestone, Colorado.  The four monks (3 sisters, 1 brother) are all from the US.

i am here with 5 other young people taking part in a "young adult contemplative experience."  together, we will be exploring our spirituality, participating in the monastery's rhythm of life and prayer, of community and solitude, through readings, discussions, and time spent outdoors in nature and getting to know the local community.

i don't know yet if my travels abroad are over for the time being, or if my time here will re-invigorate me, but i plan to remain here at least until the end of November.  where i go from here may well have more to do with the balance of my bank account than by any other ambitions for travel and exploration, although "home" (though i have many "homes" to choose from thanks to all of you wonderful people!) is beginning to tug me back in that direction as well...

synchronicity

in this time of uncertaintly about my future, i couldn't help but notice the synchronicity that today's scripture reading was the same one that helped me so much in my confusion four years ago (four years!).  it was the story of jesus walking on water and petter getting out of the boat to walk towards him.

last time, i interpreted the story much more metaphorically - about my faith journey, leaving behind the familiar, venturing into a more universal spirituality, and being supported in that journey by god.  this time, it was more literal, about physical journeys and callings.
"if you call me, i will come" says peter.  and jesus does, so peter steps out of the boat and goes.
my thought process went like this:
1) i'm waiting to hear that call
but 2) i'm not listening very actively, paying attention, reading, reflecting, writing, things that will help me hear it
then again, 3) peter didn't just stand there looking at jesus and waiting for him to call him out onto the water, he initiated it by asking jesus to call him!
so 4) i need to be not just listening, but asking... 

Camas Poems

some poems i wrote while at Camas:

C reative
A dventures
M eaning
A alive
S pirit

~

J ourneying to wild places
O bserving the outdoors
H iking through heather
N oticing new things

M aking meaning out of mysteries
U nearthing the undiscovered
I nner insights and inklings
R esolving to return

 (John Muir, the man who helped Teddy Roosevelt set up the National Park system in the US, was born in Scotland.  Camas is a certified provider of the John Muir Award, which involves Discovering, Exploring, Conserving and Sharing wild places.)

~

4 Haikus

flickering candles

slugs eat the pale strawberries

simple Camas life

so remote and wild

unspoilt natural beauty

sheep poo in the grass

cold and stuck inside

what shall we do with this day?

tea break time again!

islands disappear

rain beads upon my wooly

a Scottish summer

time to go again...

"it is time to go now
haul away your anchor
haul away your anchor
'tis our sailing time"

At our little "Camas Festival" last week, we all sang this sailing song together in 3-part harmony...It was our "closing party" for the 2011 season, and all of a sudden I became painfully aware of how near the end is.
It's really just in the past month that I feel like I've gotten truly comfortably close with everyone - close enough to give out random hugs and tease people...and I'm really going to miss them all and the funky little community we've built together; the mad dashes through the rain to our candle-lit rooms; the cats always trying to sneak inside; the sheep scratching their backs on the tree branch; the grey herons; the dramatic tidal changes; sitting by the fire in the common room knitting or crocheting and playing music; being asked to hold the baby; fresh scones for breakfast every day; Friday night services on Iona; West-Wing-Watching; daily fresh bread; kayaking; conversations with caring friends; staff dishwashing discos; and most of all, the laughter.

adventures in bogland

i did a very silly thing on my day off last week, which invovled me getting very wet and tired.

i've been wanting to go to Lochbuie all season, having read about the ivy-strewn castle and the ancient stone circle located there, and being captivated by the scenic valley leading to it with its three consecutive lochs.

i left Camas at 1:30 and hitchhiked all the way, first to Bunessan, then Pennyghael, then to the top of the trailhead, arriving there at 3:45.  mistake number one: getting out of the truck there, rather than letting it take me to the Lochbuie road turnoff...  It was an insane decision, which i didn't realize until it was too late.

i had enjoyed a warm sunny walk up until that point, but about 10  minutes after i started hiking, it began to rain -- so not only was i getting wet from the top down, i was also getting wet from the group up... As the hike was along a lake, i had been expecting the path to be boggy, but it was very rough going, with uneven tufts of grass and small channels.  I couldn't say how many times I almost twisted an ankle by slipping and tripping along a path that turned out to be more bog than trail.  There were at least 7 creeks/waterfalls to ford, full of water from the previous day's rainfall, making it quite difficult to find adequate crossing points.  Eventually the rain stopped and the trail evened out, turning into a rocky creek-bed instead of a bog...  I stopped at least 3 times along the way to empty out my wellies and wring out my socks!

The last part of the hike was beautiful - the sun came out and dried out my clothes, the river turned into a waterfall, and you could see the view down to Lochbuie.  The stone circle and Moy castle (covered in scaffolding) were a disappointing reward for such a rough journey, but the shoreline was simply stunning.
 
It was past 7 by the time I started heading back, and it was at this point that I became fully aware of the predicament I'd gotten myself into.  I had only seen two people down at the Loch, and there were very few houses, meaning my chances of getting a lift back up the road to Craignure were practically nil.  I had walked one mile up the road, and just passed the marker stating "Craignure - 13 miles" when a lovely elderly couple drove by on their way to a function in town for the evening.  They let me off at the Craignure road junction, and only 5 minutes later I got another lift from a woman heading home to Bunessan -- wow did I feel lucky!
Now, Bunessan is only 2.5 miles from Camas, but it was 9pm when I got there, hungry and tired - too weak to feel brave, and not desperate enough to be bold.  So instead of seeking out the people I knew to help me get those last couple miles down the road, I just kept walking.  and walking.  and walking.

It was dark, and none of the 5 cars that passed me stopped to ask where I was going or what my situation was.  So I kept walking and jogging, with a few pauses to sit and recuperate, east some nuts, and wonder why I hadn't gone to find someone to drive me or a phone to call Camas...  my consolation was the light provided by a beautiful moon, and that my legs hadn't given out on me, even though just about everything else had...

I finally made it to the top of the track at 10:15pm, and began making my flashlight-less way back to Camas.  I was 5 minutes away when I saw the bouncing beam of a flashlight ahead of me, and Rosie and Adam were soon within sight, having come on a rescue mission to find me!  It didn't matter that I was almost back - it was still an an overwhelming feeling of relief and joy and being cared for, and I was overwhelmed with gratitude.  they even saved me some dinner, but after a small snack, i fell asleep quite promptly!  whew.